All Good Things Come to an End!

Sometimes nobody but our good friend Nelly Furtado says it in a more poignant way: Lovers to Friends, Why must all good things come to an end? This is exactly what my heart was feeling as I left Sir David's apartment last night. But all is not lost. We've had a good run, we've put up a good fight, and a classy one at that. I will forever remember the moments we've shared together. The intimate ones and the not so intimate ones alike. Wherever the paths of life lead us, one thing is certain and that is that we will all stay classy until the very day we breathe our last. So in remembrance of this one day out of the week that we have shared so loyally with each other (except John Creech), I would like to propose (already did it Krystin) a toast in honor to fine gentlemen and gentlewomen.

It would be neat if we all went out to eat together sometime next week, maybe the yellow deli or something. But I don't know all of your schedules. Would Wednesday night possibly work out? There are no exams Thursday.  And I promise that we'll go early enough so (Johnny and Anisha) will have enough make out time left in the evening.

Anyways, it was a pleasure, indulging in the finer things of life with you guys. And it can only get better from here! PEACE

And one more thing,

You stay classy Collegedale!

Yours in Classiness

-david

Fellow Aristocrats Great and Small, Come one Come All!

Greetings Merry Men and Women,

The report for last Wednesday's meeting will be a short one due to pressing issues concerning the war in India, which has just come into the limelight. Supposedly there is an infidel by the name of Ghandi who is posing a resistance of sorts. Pray that luck will be on my side as I crush the rebellion swiftly and with little mercy!

We did have the honor of welcoming a new guest who happens to be quite classy in his very nature. His name is Derek Haas, (no relation to the avocado), and he has a bright future in our midst. 

Also, we, as in the men among us, are anticipating the impending onset of Menopause for all the women who have partaken in the tea-tasting last Wednesday. Let us remember this is truly a difficult and trying time in their lives, and we do not want to miss the opportunity to make fun of them. For those of us who are on a more intimate level with certain women it will be easy to detect the signs and symptoms of developing menopause. But for those who merely possess cordial relations with the women, it is important to know and be able to identify the signs. 

Picture Menopause Mark, a large, evil superhuman power who sweeps over the earth in search of his new prey. Usually his victims are of riper age but those who drink the Menopause tea have been know to fall into his cunning traps. He prowls the earth, his food is the hormone estrogen. 

The effects of lower estrogen levels in our female counterparts is unmistakeable. The classic signs are hot flashes and mood changes, but since the ladies have always presented with these symptoms we need to dig deeper to differentiate between Menopause and just another day in the life of a woman. 

One must look for more subtle signs such as migraines, rapid heartbeats, urinary frequency and urinary incontinence, which by the way is a hard one to discover. The most telltale sign however, is formication, not to be confused with his pagan cousin fornication. Formication referes to skin sensations such as crawling, itching or tingling sensations like when you have a bug on your skin. 

Well there you have it boys, best of luck to you. Lets support each other in this trying time and keep each other updated with the developments in the female sectors of our lives. Love to all.

You stay classy Collegedale.

-david 

P.S. That's right. I just made a conversation about Menopause classy!

The Night the Mango spoke to Me!

Dearest Gentlemen and Gentlewomen alike, 

I know you have all been anticipating these minutes in response to last weeks classy night extravaganza. I do apologize for the tardiness of my post but I have been distraught with what I should write. I can hardly imagine following in the footsteps of such colossal men and women as yourselves.

For those of you who weren't there (the two Jon's and Lis), we painted the town orange with the juice of mangoes. All my classy fellows decided to throw me a surprise birthday shindig that ended in the death of many mangoes, but we honor their sacrifice on the battlefield for us, because their juices have given new life to our tired souls as we wait for the all to imminent summer vacation. 


A few words must be said in regards to the graciousness and indulgent individuals I call my friends. 


To David our Host: 

When evening draws close,

and the subtle breeze blows;

I think of those nights in Puerto Rico.

with you in one arm, in the other, the brother of Niko.

How I miss those hot tubbing days

When life seemed to go by in a blaze,

and as the last of the dazzling sun's rays

descended into the luminescent haze

we decided to name our first child:

Rutherford B. Hayes!

To our Dearest Matt: Man of the Heart, 

Ever since last wednesday night, 

as my heart seemed to take flight,

when you burst out in song,

so sweet it could have put to bed even the mighty King Kong.

Pray Tell: 

Where didst thou get cords of the vocals such as these?

You're voice swept over me as a communicable disease. 

It rattles my bones like the sunsets in Belize.

Matt Hartman please!

If you started a band,

and got really tanned,

maybe had someone who played the baby grand,

I would be your number one fan!

To the Johnny the Great:

If I could merely have but a pinch

of your mad poet skills

I would cease to work all together

and move to the posh Beverly Hills.

But I would quickly move back

To Talge hall,

What a shack!

Where people do crack,

and get tazed for talking smack.

But in room twelve ten,

I'll be home once again.

With nobody else

but Johnny, my main man!

To Jessica the Fierce:

I have but a request when you marry

a fine man with the last name of Beans.

And have your first child,

as crazy as that seems.

Look in the eyes of the one that you love,

and say with the passion of Machiavelli,

"I have a name that we can be proud of,

His name will be none other than Jelly!"

To Tiffany the Timorous:


Since you like birds so much I have a poem for you:

Birdy Birdy,

In the sky,

What are you doing in my eye,

It tastes kinda salty

It feels like soup,

Oh my sweet heavens,

It's birdy poop!

To Careening Caressa:

Sweet Mango covered in cocoa,

let me eat you,

just a little,

un poco.

To Bethusela:

With a shirt such as this,

flaunting something icy, something hot.

You are no doubt the talk on the block.

I'm surprised you haven't been asked,

or possibly even harassed,

for your hand in marital affairs.

For with a shirt such as this,

no one can resist;

not even the pious ovarian cyst!

To Megan the Megalosaurus:

Although you might not always,

dress in the classiest of clothes.

You do turn heads in school hallways,

Why? Nobody knows.

Maybe you have this aura about you,

or maybe its just your shampoo.

But one thing is assured oh Megan of Megalopolis,

Your classiness stands true just like the Acropolis.

To Karo the Czar,

What is it like,

In your hometown afar?

Do people bow to you,

when they find out your a czar?

Do they give up their seat,

In the crowded old bus?

Or do they frown with conceit,

and whisper and cuss.

Don't fret little Karo,

for you always have a seat

In my luxurious Porsche,

as long as you make me some Borsch.

To Princess Deanna:


This is a more serious poem about our time spent together in Nam:

 Do you remember the date, it was March seven,

 when five of our friends were blown clear up to heaven; 

 old Henry, our friend, and a fine little chap,

 was killed from the blast of a dirty booby trap? 

 Do you remember the screams of our friends who were dying 

 while bombs were going off, and napalm a'flying.

 I remember it clear, you lost five fingers and a toe,

 And all I could do was recite Edgar Allan Poe.

To Anisha: Queen of Anise,

India has the Dalai Lama.

We have Barak Obama.

Wisconsin has cheese,

and a town called Waukesha.

We are at ease,

for we have the one and only Anisha.

So lets get together,

lets round up the posse!

Whatever the weather,

lets drink a cold lassi!

To My Love Krystin:

If someone asked me in years to come

When I'm old and my hair is grey:

"David. Who is your sugar pie plum?"

What do you think I would say.

You see, the answer is very crystal clear

My Krystin, my lover, my sweet little dear.

I would say that I loved her so much

I would never her leave.

This is a truth that she better believe.

But that is tomorrow,

and this is today.

I will grab her and hold her,

and never give her away!

Thank you all for a meaningful Birthday.


You stay classy Collegedale!


Yours in classiness
-David

Ladies and Gentleman,

Yesterday, on the 7th of March, a very classy gentleman celebrated a birthday. However, due to the fact that he was off saving lives, we did not have the chance to celebrate this important event with him. So, Krystin and I propose making tomorrow's classy night extra special by throwing in a surprise impromptu birthday party for Mr. Macias.

It so happens that our birthday boy enjoys mangoes, so in honor of him, bring something with mangoes in it. You can bring mango scones, mango sorbet, mango cake, dried mango, fresh mango, a plastic mango ...... I don't really care what sort of mango thing you bring, just don't bring a papaya.

Also, if you want to prepare some kind words  ahead of time to say about the mango loving fella, we think it would be great if randomly through out the evening people stand up and give a speech/toast/tell a great story about David.

So, make this birthday extra special for the sometimes naked bicycle man (somebody better tell this story tomorrow....!), and come with a mango treat and something to nice to say about him.

Stay classy Collegedale,

Anisha and Krystin

An Abomination among Abominations

Well Folks,


I have the dreadful burden of having to write a blog about this Wednesday's activities. I would look upon a moment as this with glee, remembering all the fun things we shared, all the laughs, all the cries and holding each other saying it's all going to be ok. But none of that this week. I came over finding an empty home which merely signifies your empty hearts and calloused thoughts. I will place blame where it needs to belong here shortly. Arriving at the apartment dressed in my finest linens and expecting a fun evening was shattered to pieces when I was greeted with David teaching asians how to speak English and the news that our very sisters had betrayed us. This is the part where my sadness turns to anger, so please forgive me for the following comments. 


I place all blame on four women, women that some of us call lovers, others merely friends. Jon Creech and Jonathan Sackett's repeated absences pale in comparison to their insensitive and atrocious offenses. Anisha, Megan, Tiffany and Karo the Russian are to blame for this deed which rivals all the campus safety tickets to innocent southern students that have ever been issued. In the latest polls among the classy night participants, the girls approval ratings are falling faster than a dress on prom night. They have all of spring break to let their careless act eat away at their consciences. When we resume session the Wednesday after spring break we demand an apology and explanation. "We have to go study"..... Psshhhhhh....


Over and Out Compadres
Yours in classiness


-david

It's Getting Classy In Here

Fellow kings, queens, sovereign rulers, and to all the emir's, sheikh's, sultan's and maharaja's!


Greetings to all.
That is all.
Goodbye


Your's in Classiness


-David Macias


P.S. This last Wednesday night turned out to be an eventful, entertaining and provocatively enticing evening. A group of Collegedale's classiest men and women summoned to the humble abode of Sir David Moore for an hour or festivity and subtle soiree.


I do have a few words to say in regards to those in attendance. I am impressed by your turnout, week after week. We are consistently having more attendee's than there were candlesticks at Jon Creech's Bar Mitzvah. I will address the "Jon Creech" issue in a little. I commend you all for your fearsome dedication and colossal diligence to the finer things of life.


I do have a few honorable mentions for this Wednesday's meeting. We had the honor of inviting a new guest into our home. The man who birthed David Moore himself, (which must have been quite a chore), was in attendance. We welcome you Lord Evan, and wish you to join us more often (or was it edgar or possibly ebony?) Sir Jonathan Sackett made his groundbreaking second appearance in a row, and was dressed quite exotically. The only thing that his extravagant outfit lacked was a siberian tiger on a leash. I would also like to commend Bethany Hartman for having the forethought to dress up for the occasion, and to grace us with her war stories.


Now to the grandest part of the minutes: the reprimanding! Oh where do I start, the offenses are so many. Maybe I should start at the easiest issue to address: Jon Creech - You're Fired!


Countess Anisha was also absent, and nobody knew why. It turns out that she was participating in the revelry and carousal of a pagan festival called Carnival. In the end it is Anisha's loss, because the word carnival finds its origin from the latin expression "carne vale", which means: "farewell to meat." Does this mean that she can no longer suck upon the tender flesh of Johnny's neck?


Somewhere in the royal palace in St. Petersburg, Russia, someone flushed a toilet and it seems Karolina got sucked in. She is nowhere to be found. No phone-call, no e-mail, not even a postcard from the icy depths of what turns out to be her dorm room. If anybody has any news concerning the whereabouts of Karolina please contact the FBI, or just comment on this blog.


Deanna and Lis where also absent, but they had a legitimate excuse. They were curled up next to a poster of Arnold Schwarzenegger, mourning the impending loss of David Moore's appendix. Or is it his tonsils?


This wraps up this week's minutes into a nice little burrito.
Ciao


-david

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Dearest Persons of Nobility reading our blog,


Tonight caps our highly anticipated and overwhelmingly successful classy night wine tasting extravaganza.  I would like to personally thank all my fellow aristocrats for participating by bringing their wine cellars best to share with our fine tuned taste buds. Tonight was indeed more than just a mere social outing but a full body experience, and for some of us who danced it was an out of body experience. It is as if we were lifted up on a wine tasting tour of the world, first traveling to the balanced and aromatic terroirs of southern France where we were drawn up to the outer reaches of satisfaction with the luscious and clean Cabernet Sauvignon. Next came the rich and buttery Chardonnay, which could have easily been confused for a Pinot Blanc if not for the label on the bottle. Our next destination were the valleys of western Austria where the dry Gewurztraminer tickled our tonsils with aromas of roses, passion fruit and Munster cheese. On our way back down to reality we couldn't help but stop by the Village Market for a good sparkling ginger drink (real classy Johnny). 


But can we really blame Johnny for his unfamiliarity with the finer wines of life. He has had a busy day full of laughter, love, and dare I say a little bit of Anisha as well... The passions of young love might taste light and lively to Johnny and Anisha, but just as with wine, it is with age that one's lips find true delight in the tastes of zestful canoodling - isn't that right Krystin... But nonetheless, congratulations to the both of you, and don't forget - practice makes perfect! The definite surprise of the night belongs to Jonathan Sackett, who decided to show his face after a long sabbatical in his dorm room. We accept you back into our circle Jonathan, but we demand an explanation! Our newest member, Lis Ruhling was faithful to her word and honored us with her presence by accompanying Sir Matthew Hartman to tonights festivities. She is definitely on the right track to becoming a full fledged member of the upper class. Jessica, Deanna and Megan made a fine trio, filling the room with fine laughter and lots of class. I especially commend Megan for finally showing her true class and dressing up for the occasion. Of course all we could hear from Jessica was her weekend of revelry with that bonny lad of hers Michael. I fear that the impending threat of increasing urbanization might remove any place for them to share their intimate moments. We can only hope... Much honor and recognition belongs to Duke Kevin Detlor this evening. Although his clothes were by no means up to par, his classy composure and excellent table conversations made up for his insufficiencies. We will be able to mold him into the aristocrat that he is capable of on the inside. It is only a matter of unleashing the tiger within. Meow!


As always, we have a bit of attendance issues to deal with presently. My lightest sentence would fall upon Miss Beth Hartman, who did attend in late fashion but was dressed to give us our monthly wellness exams. Practical yes, but classy, probably not. Karolina was not in attendance this evening, but I was informed that she is currently boar hunting in the West Indies with some acquaintances of hers. May her spears be swift in striking the horrid beasts. And our long anticipated Judas award for excellence in betrayal goes to Tiffany. She was in a tight race with Jon Creech, but since she is a regular her brash treatment of our trust is nothing less than offensive.  Her only excuse was that she didn't have one. What an unstable personality she is turning out to be. One week she has changed her race, the other she is lively and then she is absent. 


It is time to say goodbye my fellow fellows in classiness. I simply can not wait until next week. Since the whole classy outing to the museum fell through we should schedule a classy movie night filled with much popcorn, table games and of course Arnold Schwarzenegger's movie Junior! Please comment on this post if you are interested and we will make it happen. 


As always, we thank our gracious host David Moore for opening up his residence for us to trash. You are much appreciated. 


Over and out all you classy people out there in Collegedale and beyond. 


May you always increase in classiness.


Sweet Whisper of Love,


-David Macias