Thursday, February 24, 2011

An Abomination among Abominations

Well Folks,


I have the dreadful burden of having to write a blog about this Wednesday's activities. I would look upon a moment as this with glee, remembering all the fun things we shared, all the laughs, all the cries and holding each other saying it's all going to be ok. But none of that this week. I came over finding an empty home which merely signifies your empty hearts and calloused thoughts. I will place blame where it needs to belong here shortly. Arriving at the apartment dressed in my finest linens and expecting a fun evening was shattered to pieces when I was greeted with David teaching asians how to speak English and the news that our very sisters had betrayed us. This is the part where my sadness turns to anger, so please forgive me for the following comments. 


I place all blame on four women, women that some of us call lovers, others merely friends. Jon Creech and Jonathan Sackett's repeated absences pale in comparison to their insensitive and atrocious offenses. Anisha, Megan, Tiffany and Karo the Russian are to blame for this deed which rivals all the campus safety tickets to innocent southern students that have ever been issued. In the latest polls among the classy night participants, the girls approval ratings are falling faster than a dress on prom night. They have all of spring break to let their careless act eat away at their consciences. When we resume session the Wednesday after spring break we demand an apology and explanation. "We have to go study"..... Psshhhhhh....


Over and Out Compadres
Yours in classiness


-david

Friday, February 18, 2011

It's Getting Classy In Here

Fellow kings, queens, sovereign rulers, and to all the emir's, sheikh's, sultan's and maharaja's!


Greetings to all.
That is all.
Goodbye


Your's in Classiness


-David Macias


P.S. This last Wednesday night turned out to be an eventful, entertaining and provocatively enticing evening. A group of Collegedale's classiest men and women summoned to the humble abode of Sir David Moore for an hour or festivity and subtle soiree.


I do have a few words to say in regards to those in attendance. I am impressed by your turnout, week after week. We are consistently having more attendee's than there were candlesticks at Jon Creech's Bar Mitzvah. I will address the "Jon Creech" issue in a little. I commend you all for your fearsome dedication and colossal diligence to the finer things of life.


I do have a few honorable mentions for this Wednesday's meeting. We had the honor of inviting a new guest into our home. The man who birthed David Moore himself, (which must have been quite a chore), was in attendance. We welcome you Lord Evan, and wish you to join us more often (or was it edgar or possibly ebony?) Sir Jonathan Sackett made his groundbreaking second appearance in a row, and was dressed quite exotically. The only thing that his extravagant outfit lacked was a siberian tiger on a leash. I would also like to commend Bethany Hartman for having the forethought to dress up for the occasion, and to grace us with her war stories.


Now to the grandest part of the minutes: the reprimanding! Oh where do I start, the offenses are so many. Maybe I should start at the easiest issue to address: Jon Creech - You're Fired!


Countess Anisha was also absent, and nobody knew why. It turns out that she was participating in the revelry and carousal of a pagan festival called Carnival. In the end it is Anisha's loss, because the word carnival finds its origin from the latin expression "carne vale", which means: "farewell to meat." Does this mean that she can no longer suck upon the tender flesh of Johnny's neck?


Somewhere in the royal palace in St. Petersburg, Russia, someone flushed a toilet and it seems Karolina got sucked in. She is nowhere to be found. No phone-call, no e-mail, not even a postcard from the icy depths of what turns out to be her dorm room. If anybody has any news concerning the whereabouts of Karolina please contact the FBI, or just comment on this blog.


Deanna and Lis where also absent, but they had a legitimate excuse. They were curled up next to a poster of Arnold Schwarzenegger, mourning the impending loss of David Moore's appendix. Or is it his tonsils?


This wraps up this week's minutes into a nice little burrito.
Ciao


-david

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Dearest Persons of Nobility reading our blog,


Tonight caps our highly anticipated and overwhelmingly successful classy night wine tasting extravaganza.  I would like to personally thank all my fellow aristocrats for participating by bringing their wine cellars best to share with our fine tuned taste buds. Tonight was indeed more than just a mere social outing but a full body experience, and for some of us who danced it was an out of body experience. It is as if we were lifted up on a wine tasting tour of the world, first traveling to the balanced and aromatic terroirs of southern France where we were drawn up to the outer reaches of satisfaction with the luscious and clean Cabernet Sauvignon. Next came the rich and buttery Chardonnay, which could have easily been confused for a Pinot Blanc if not for the label on the bottle. Our next destination were the valleys of western Austria where the dry Gewurztraminer tickled our tonsils with aromas of roses, passion fruit and Munster cheese. On our way back down to reality we couldn't help but stop by the Village Market for a good sparkling ginger drink (real classy Johnny). 


But can we really blame Johnny for his unfamiliarity with the finer wines of life. He has had a busy day full of laughter, love, and dare I say a little bit of Anisha as well... The passions of young love might taste light and lively to Johnny and Anisha, but just as with wine, it is with age that one's lips find true delight in the tastes of zestful canoodling - isn't that right Krystin... But nonetheless, congratulations to the both of you, and don't forget - practice makes perfect! The definite surprise of the night belongs to Jonathan Sackett, who decided to show his face after a long sabbatical in his dorm room. We accept you back into our circle Jonathan, but we demand an explanation! Our newest member, Lis Ruhling was faithful to her word and honored us with her presence by accompanying Sir Matthew Hartman to tonights festivities. She is definitely on the right track to becoming a full fledged member of the upper class. Jessica, Deanna and Megan made a fine trio, filling the room with fine laughter and lots of class. I especially commend Megan for finally showing her true class and dressing up for the occasion. Of course all we could hear from Jessica was her weekend of revelry with that bonny lad of hers Michael. I fear that the impending threat of increasing urbanization might remove any place for them to share their intimate moments. We can only hope... Much honor and recognition belongs to Duke Kevin Detlor this evening. Although his clothes were by no means up to par, his classy composure and excellent table conversations made up for his insufficiencies. We will be able to mold him into the aristocrat that he is capable of on the inside. It is only a matter of unleashing the tiger within. Meow!


As always, we have a bit of attendance issues to deal with presently. My lightest sentence would fall upon Miss Beth Hartman, who did attend in late fashion but was dressed to give us our monthly wellness exams. Practical yes, but classy, probably not. Karolina was not in attendance this evening, but I was informed that she is currently boar hunting in the West Indies with some acquaintances of hers. May her spears be swift in striking the horrid beasts. And our long anticipated Judas award for excellence in betrayal goes to Tiffany. She was in a tight race with Jon Creech, but since she is a regular her brash treatment of our trust is nothing less than offensive.  Her only excuse was that she didn't have one. What an unstable personality she is turning out to be. One week she has changed her race, the other she is lively and then she is absent. 


It is time to say goodbye my fellow fellows in classiness. I simply can not wait until next week. Since the whole classy outing to the museum fell through we should schedule a classy movie night filled with much popcorn, table games and of course Arnold Schwarzenegger's movie Junior! Please comment on this post if you are interested and we will make it happen. 


As always, we thank our gracious host David Moore for opening up his residence for us to trash. You are much appreciated. 


Over and out all you classy people out there in Collegedale and beyond. 


May you always increase in classiness.


Sweet Whisper of Love,


-David Macias

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Fellow Gentlemen and Gentlewomen, 

It saddens me to start this communique with an epitaph. Who has died you might ask. A person who we thought we could trust, who we believed had what it took to dine with us in the finest tea rooms, who we presumed would one day be a noble baron, count or even a lord. With this statement I would like to announce the demoting of Sir Jonathan Sackett, who, by his ill-mannered and tactless actions, has been thus relegated to the middle class, where they talk of crude subjects and eat shameful, yes even vile cuisine. No one is to blame but Jonathan himself (but should we really expect more from a sophomore?) Let us close this despicable chapter in the history of our society and look towards a bright new future filled with new membership. Where one member is demoted, another is promoted and with this I would cordially like to announce the joining of a new member, the fair Liz Ruhling from the northern lands. We anticipate her attendance at next week's meeting. 

We have some issues of attendance to deal with that have surfaced after tonights gathering. We will proceed in this order: Jonathan Creech is now one for one in attendance with his absence this evening - his fate will be decided and let us hope it is not as dreadful as the late Jonathan Sackett. The name Jonathan is possibly a curse, because one of our most trusted members, Lord Jonathan Hodgson was in absentia this evening. We are aware of the circumstances surrounding the absence with his interview and all, but are you kidding me? An interview over classy night? Someone needs to get his priorities straight! And Anisha has bathed with him in the whirlpool of betrayal by picking him up at the airport, thus supporting this heinous act! Countess Weaver was also "playing hooky" as a peasant would say, supposedly she is on a business trip. And just as it is dishonorable to mix wine with brandy, so it is to mix business with pleasure, which we all have the hunch is what is going down in the open fields surrounding Union College. Last but certainly not least is our foreign friend Karolina. Fate was on her side in surviving the cold war but fate has little effect against the bitter cold truth of belonging to the aristocracy. She has stored up some second-chances with us however, by introducing her friend Lisa to us the other night. 

But all is not dim in the world of the sickeningly wealthy. Princess Deanna catapulted herself into the spotlight by mixing up a fine batch of scones for us to enjoy. Blue-blooded Beth baffled us all by showing up fashionably late, and also brought some captivating stories with her. Tiffany arrived in classy fashion and bore good news. She gave birth to something more exciting than a newborn child: the fact that she is normal again, talking as if she believed her skin color was white. Yes, Megan did attend this evening, but something must be done about her choice of outfit! Five classy points go to Josh for attending wearing a authentic irish kilt. We wish but one thing Josh, next time shave your legs. Matt Hartman and David Moore were as always, looking fine in their linens, and it is comforting to know that some people will always be classy. And lastly, I would like to end on the person I believe made the greatest impact on tonights activities and my life in general. Nobility can only do so much to describe Krystin Erickson, who came dressed as if she was lecturing the greatest greek philosophers in the fine halls of the acropolis. The acropolis might crumble, but your beauty my love will never fade! 

And this ends this weeks minutes.

Lets stay classy Collegedale,

Yours in classiness,

-David Macias

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

The most gracious Karolina Grekov scripted the nights activities for us all to revel in on future occasions. Here they are: 


Greetings,


As per usual, the following is a retrospective look at the finest nite of the week:
The evening started off with a surprise as the classiest and most revered gentleman of Hickman joined us for the first time this semester. I of course am talking about none other than Jon Creech. Or as he is known among his colleagues: B-SOY (if you have to ask, you're just not classy enough). It is integral to note here that one of the founding fathers of "classy nite" -David Macias failed to make an appearance Tuesday evening. As a result of his abandonment of not only the group but, of his wife-to-be (or as the French would say; fiancĂ©), Sir David has fallen in both social status and in respect amongst his peers. On a brighter note, a highlight of the evening came from Karolina Grekov who classed the nite up as usual by bringing 12 of the most eligible bachelors of the Jewish Community with her that evening. A small scuffle took place as both she and lady Tiffy Mac battled over the same bachelor (Ethan), but it was soon settled over a hot cup of mate tea. David Moore and Johnny Hodgson stayed true to theme for the evening in attire reminiscent of the French Revolution (vivre la France!), while Anisha Mathi played it coy in a slinky little blue number, sassy leopard jacket and sex and the city-esque heels. Meow! Megan Sutherland and Jessica Weaver held themselves with the highest airs in a discussion of art, while Krystin, unsure of her role away from David attempted to, once again, spoon with Karolina.



Stay classy, Collegedale!
Have your pets spayed and neutered.

Yours Truly,

-Karolina

The Inaugural Classy Night Minutes

From the Festivities taking place on Wednesday, January 19, 2011!

Greetings Fellow Aristocrats,

In an attempt to build classy night into a monster that consumes one's life we are having weekly classy night "minutes," reporting on the happenings of the most recent classy night. This week we saw a resurgence of former classy night week links who proved they still have some class left in them. In attempt to solidify her place in the top five classiest people at Southern, Karolina dressed quite appropriately and brought a classy friend, who turned out to be a creepy stalked who stared at the men in the room all night. As you all know Anisha was going to be voted out this week due to her poor performance in Boogle but she redeemed herself, and stirred much compassion in our hearts with her, shall we say, heartwarming story. The contents cannot be shared by e-mail due to national security secrets... or shall I say speedrets. In an unusual turn of events, Tiffany had a little too much Pomegranate Juice to drink and then commenced to getting her hair braided and acting African American. We commend her for her classiness and look forward to the race she is going to emulate next week. As always, we look forward to the return of our three dear friends: Matt, Beth and Jonathan. We wait with anticipation on their speedy recovery from bacterial meningitis. Anyways, this concludes our minutes for this week. 
As mandated by Karolina: 

You stay classy Collegedale, 

-David Macias

P.S. Next weeks theme: Dress in traditional clothes from the french revolution