It saddens me to start this communique with an epitaph. Who has died you might ask. A person who we thought we could trust, who we believed had what it took to dine with us in the finest tea rooms, who we presumed would one day be a noble baron, count or even a lord. With this statement I would like to announce the demoting of Sir Jonathan Sackett, who, by his ill-mannered and tactless actions, has been thus relegated to the middle class, where they talk of crude subjects and eat shameful, yes even vile cuisine. No one is to blame but Jonathan himself (but should we really expect more from a sophomore?) Let us close this despicable chapter in the history of our society and look towards a bright new future filled with new membership. Where one member is demoted, another is promoted and with this I would cordially like to announce the joining of a new member, the fair Liz Ruhling from the northern lands. We anticipate her attendance at next week's meeting.
We have some issues of attendance to deal with that have surfaced after tonights gathering. We will proceed in this order: Jonathan Creech is now one for one in attendance with his absence this evening - his fate will be decided and let us hope it is not as dreadful as the late Jonathan Sackett. The name Jonathan is possibly a curse, because one of our most trusted members, Lord Jonathan Hodgson was in absentia this evening. We are aware of the circumstances surrounding the absence with his interview and all, but are you kidding me? An interview over classy night? Someone needs to get his priorities straight! And Anisha has bathed with him in the whirlpool of betrayal by picking him up at the airport, thus supporting this heinous act! Countess Weaver was also "playing hooky" as a peasant would say, supposedly she is on a business trip. And just as it is dishonorable to mix wine with brandy, so it is to mix business with pleasure, which we all have the hunch is what is going down in the open fields surrounding Union College. Last but certainly not least is our foreign friend Karolina. Fate was on her side in surviving the cold war but fate has little effect against the bitter cold truth of belonging to the aristocracy. She has stored up some second-chances with us however, by introducing her friend Lisa to us the other night.
But all is not dim in the world of the sickeningly wealthy. Princess Deanna catapulted herself into the spotlight by mixing up a fine batch of scones for us to enjoy. Blue-blooded Beth baffled us all by showing up fashionably late, and also brought some captivating stories with her. Tiffany arrived in classy fashion and bore good news. She gave birth to something more exciting than a newborn child: the fact that she is normal again, talking as if she believed her skin color was white. Yes, Megan did attend this evening, but something must be done about her choice of outfit! Five classy points go to Josh for attending wearing a authentic irish kilt. We wish but one thing Josh, next time shave your legs. Matt Hartman and David Moore were as always, looking fine in their linens, and it is comforting to know that some people will always be classy. And lastly, I would like to end on the person I believe made the greatest impact on tonights activities and my life in general. Nobility can only do so much to describe Krystin Erickson, who came dressed as if she was lecturing the greatest greek philosophers in the fine halls of the acropolis. The acropolis might crumble, but your beauty my love will never fade!
And this ends this weeks minutes.
Lets stay classy Collegedale,
Yours in classiness,
-David Macias
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